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Post by Mangoba on Nov 28, 2005 22:37:11 GMT -5
The Alternate Ending for Book FiveWhat J.K. was afraid to say! By Emily and Lizzie AUTHOR’S NOTE FROM EMILY: This all started the night I saw Goblet of Fire, when I accidentally let it slip that Snuffles kicks the bucket in Book Five, to someone that hadn’t read the book yet. So, that started a string of lies about what happened, and this is the end result. And: I don’t own Harry Potter, Barbie, Ken, the Girl Scout organization which I’m a member of, Ikea, Pocahontas, John Travolta, the Cha-Cha slide, or iPod/iTunes. Sorry to all the SPIFFERIFICALLY SPIFFY PEOPLE WHO OWN THOSE COPYRIGHTS! AUTHOR'S NOTE FROM LIZZIE: Well, she said everything already. Hmm. I was with her when she saw it and when she let it slip, and also I don't own any of that junk. Wait! She forgot something! Ok, don't duplicate what we did and change the words and say it's yours. Actually, don't duplicate it at all. Why? Because we own this! So there! MUHUHAHAHAHA!!! *gets slapped by Emily* Chapter One: The Coma  Sirius: Harry, CATCH! *Kicks a bucket over* Harry: Huh? What? *Gets hit in the head by the bucket* UGH! *Falls over onto Death Eaters, who have suddenly turned into pillows* *Falls asleep and into a coma* Dumbledore: Harry will get up in 5 ½ hours and 58.3 seconds. Trust me, I’m psycho. Sirius: *screams like a girl* *falls over* *clutches his toe* I BROKE MY PRETTY PINK TOENAIL!!!! *Keeps on screeching about it* 5 ½ hours and 58.3 seconds later Harry: *awakes from the coma* Dumbledore: I WAS RIGHT! *Runs off to Vegas to gamble and elope with McGonagall* Sirius: *Finally shuts up* *Finds a cucumber, names it Barbie and dresses it up in Barbie clothes* *Finds a pickle whom he names Ken* YAY! Now we all can have mystical adventures in the fitness room in Dimension 18!!! (AKA the real world) Harry: *is disturbed by this* I’m going to leave now…. *Goes to dormitory to ‘mull-over’ his thoughts* Cucumber Barbie and Pickle Ken: *run away from Sirius, who is saddened by this, to go to the movies*
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Post by Daisy Miller on Nov 29, 2005 16:45:12 GMT -5
Ha ha . . . that's funny. Is there more? Or is this a one-shot?
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Post by Mangoba on Nov 29, 2005 20:33:13 GMT -5
Much more. (Multiple posts for easy reading, one long one isn't the best for reading.)
Chapter Two: At the Movies
Lizzie (Author): That movie was awesome!
Emily (Other Author): *is in costume* Yeah! BUT THE HORSES WERE GRAYS AND NOT PALOMINOS!!!!!!! I’m writing them a letter to tell them every single thing that goes into the genes of a palomino and which colors possess those genes so they know how to get one.... *wonders where to find that information*
Lizzie: *sighs and rolls eyes* Does it really matter what kind of horse it was?
Emily:*gasps* *angry glare*
Pickle Ken and Cucumber Barbie: *Decide to kidnap these two ‘random muggles’ (The authors), who are coming out of the Harry Potter movie, ASSUMING that they’re wizards because of Emily’s costume*
Emily and Lizzie: *are put into the Room of Requirement, which is currently a broom closet, by the evil pickle and cucumber*
Emily: I wish we had an escape route.
Lizzie: Me too. Ooo! There's one now!!!
Lizzie and Emily: *crawl through the escape route*
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Post by Mangoba on Nov 29, 2005 20:34:22 GMT -5
Chapter Three: About 5-10 Minutes Later
Lizzie and Emily: *end up finding Harry sulking, since that’s where the escape route ends*
Emily: *Kicks him* CHEER UP! *thinks ‘He needs a haircut’*
Lizzie: *thinks* HEE'S REEEEAL!!!! *stops thinking that* Uh, Harry? There's a evil cucumber and pickle trying to take over the world...
Harry: That makes it worse. First Sirius makes me fall into a coma, then he starts playing with vegetables-
Emily: *interrupts* Someone should tell him not to play with his food.
Harry: Then you *points at Emily* kicked me, and now evil vegetables are going to take over the world! THIS DAY STINKS!
Lizzie: *kicks him REALLY hard* CHEER UP!!!
Emily: *tries to ride Harry’s Firebolt while Lizzie is successful in cheering Harry up, only to crash it into the Whomping Willow*
THREE MINUTES LATER
Emily: *comes in with splintered remains of the Firebolt* Um, Harry? I sorta had an accident with your broom…..
Harry: *bursts into tears at the sight of the broken broom* *gets depressed again* You’re making it even more worse! GO AWAY!!!!
Lizzie: *puts a plunger with giant googly eyes and a moustache on Harry’s head so it’s a leash*
Harry: Ow!
Emily: *gives Harry a stick on moustache, and a spray-on eyebrow unibrow and goatee* Yay! They match now! Now let’s go to Ikea!!!
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Post by Mangoba on Nov 29, 2005 20:37:55 GMT -5
Chapter Four: About 20 minutes later..... At Ikea!
Narrator: Sirius and Harry are dragged to Ikea, with Lizzie and Emily singing all the way there.
Emily and Lizzie: THUNDERATION WE ARE THE GIRL SCOUTS! ASSOCIATION WHEN WE WORK WITH! DETERMINATION WE CREATE A! SENSATION THUNDER THUNDER! THUNDERA-
Emily: *interrupts* WE’RE HERE!
Sirius and Harry: YAY!!!
Emily: Okay, Lizzie, since you have Harry on his leash and I’ve been ruining his life, you can take him and I’ll go have rolling chair fun with Sirius.
Lizzie: Or we can all go up the down escalators… And down the up!
Emily and Lizzie: *look at each other* Nah.
Narrator: While Emily attempts to figure out where the rolling chair section is on the map with Sirius, Lizzie and Harry have their own adventures in the Children’s Section.
Harry: *is overly amused with the movie Pocahontas in the Children’s Section, and clapping and laughing way too much* WHEE!!!
Lizzie: *in the voice adults use when talking to little kids* Okay Harry, now we have to go help Emily figure out the map because she has directional impairment!
Harry: She can figure it out.
Lizzie: She crashed into the Whomping Willow.
Harry: So?
Lizzie: *mutters* Boys are so stupid...
Narrator: Luckily, Emily figured out the map, and found the rolling chairs. The coolest thing about this Ikea is that it’s a ramp you ride the chairs on! COWABUNGA!
Ikea Guy: You look under eighteen.
Emily: I think I have my student I.D. with me, I’ll double check. *Looks at Student I.D.* Yup, I’m under eighteen. *Points to Sirius* Just tell him it’s a contest for a free vegetable garden. He doesn’t believe waivers exist.
Ikea Guy: Okay… I think… Just grab a helmet and you’ll be fine.
Emily: *grabs a helmet and gets on a chair* WHEE!!!!!! *Is having a load of fun*
Sirius: Hey! I WANNA TRY!
Ikea Guy: ENTER MY CONTEST FOR A FREE VEGETABLE GARDEN!!
Sirius: *signs the waiver* *grabs a helmet* *has rolling chair fun, then goes off ramp in slow-mo, then when he lands it goes back into regular motion, and once he stops for 5 seconds he falls over*
Emily: THAT LOOKED SO COOL!!!!!!
Lizzie: Emily! You figured out a map!!! THAT'S AMAZING!!!
Emily: Lizzie! What in the world happened to Harry?
Lizzie: Pocahontas.
Harry: *is all loopy and laughing* YAY POCAHONTAS! WHEEEE!!! *Sees Sirius has fallen over* Sorry about being disturbed by your playing with vegetables.
Sirius: Sorry about putting you into a coma.
Emily: Now what have we learned today Lizzie?
Lizzie: Don’t fall into comas, you can read a map, Harry likes Pocahontas too much, and Sirius has no sense of balance?
Emily: No. We’ve learned that you shouldn’t put others into a coma, play with your food, nor become disturbed when adult males call a cucumber Barbie and a pickle Ken and talk about their mystical adventures, NOR tell the Ikea guy to tell someone to sign a waiver and lie that it’s a free vegetable garden..... *whistles and tries to act innocent*
Lizzie: Emily. You used the word nor. That's- *gets cut off*
Harry: Hey wait a minute! You guys are Muggles! And you’re following us!
Sirius: THEY’RE LEARNING MY MAGICAL AND VEGETABLE SECRETS!
Harry: *rolls his eyes* Let’s put them in a broom closet!
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Post by Mangoba on Nov 29, 2005 20:43:57 GMT -5
Chapter Five: About 15 minutes later in the broom closet once again....
Lizzie and Emily: *are in the Room of Requirement broom closet once more*
Cucumber and Pickle: *come into the room*
Emily: *eats the cucumber*
Lizzie: Emily! Why did you do that?!?
Emily: I was hungry.
Lizzie: Hmm... *suddenly realizes she’s hungry too* *eats the pickle* I wish that instead of being stuck in a closet, we could all do disco, ya know, the John Travolta thing- *gets cut off again*
Emily: But I can’t dance! I can memorize Pi, but I can’t dance. I wish I had a Lipizzan. Then I could make it dance and I’d feel better about myself.
Narrator: Suddenly, everyone appears for a huge disco party, and Emily gets her Lipizzan. LYK PNG! Ph33r m3! 1 4m t3 1337 n3rd!!1!!!!!1!111!!!! Ph33r my 4w350m3 1337-n355! (Like OMG! Fear me! I am the leet nerd! Fear my awesome leet-ness!)
Emily: *gets on the Lipizzan as soon as it appears*
Lizzie: *gets everyone to do the John Travolta disco thing*
Emily: *does it on her Lipizzan until she falls off*
Lizzie: Let’s do the Cha-Cha slide instead, it seems safer….
Emily: YES! I can do the Lipizzan version instead.
Lizzie: How did you find that?
Emily: iTunes. It’s on my mystical iPod Nano.
Lizzie: But electronics don’t work in Hogwarts!
Emily: But how could us Muggles be in the castle having a huge disco party?
Lizzie: True…
Dumbledore and McGonagall: *suddenly appear* WE’VE GOTTEN MARRIED!!!!
Emily: SEE!?!??!?!? HERMIONE WAS WRONG!!! THERE’S APPARATION IN THE CASTLE!!! *is all happy in proving her wrong*
Hermione (Who’s probably in the library): *suddenly starts crying* CURSE YOU EMILY!
Lizzie: LET’S ALL GET BACK TO CHA-CHA SLIDING!!!
Emily: *puts in the iPod earbuds, and plugs them into the Nano* Let’s go!
Narrator: Right in the part where ‘everybody claps their hands’, Lord Moldy Shorts, er, Drink-Mixer Head, er, U-No-Poo, er, You-Know-Who, suddenly comes in. He has an extremely large nose resembling Snape’s greasy nose, and a large smile on his face. Uh-oh. The greasy, er, Professor Snape heard me, I’M OUTTA HERE!!!! *Runs away*
Voldemort: *is nervous because everyone is staring at him and the dead silence* Um, hello! I just wanted to say I’m feeling better about myself now, and won’t torture people anymore, because I have better self-esteem now because I now have a nose.
Everyone: *blinks*
Voldemort: YOU’RE SO HURTFUL!!! I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID!!!! *Runs out crying*
Emily: What happened? *Was completely oblivious because her iPod’s up too loud*
Lizzie: *pulls out one of the earbuds* Voldemort seems to have discovered plastic surgery.
Emily: NO! Now I can’t call him drink-mixer head. Drat. *Puts earbuds back in*
Lizzie: Okay, let’s all dance again!
Emily: *starts doing the Lipizzan version*
Everyone else: *does the regular version*
Narrator: *suddenly is in the action* AHHH!!!!!!! *Is running from Snape*
Snape: *chases after narrator* WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY NOSE, PUNK!?!?!?!? *is in an evil rage* *somehow lost his accent*
Emily: HEY! YOU WEREN’T INVITED!
Everyone: *laughs*
Ikea Guy: And everyone lived happily ever after.
THE END!!!
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Post by wowposter on Sept 8, 2008 15:30:49 GMT -5
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Post by wowposter on Sept 9, 2008 4:08:12 GMT -5
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